After a long and tumultuous relationship, after the storm calms and the dust settles, people often wonder why they were stuck in a toxic relationship for so long.
It is as if they were stuck in quicksand…
The more they tried to leave the quicker they sank.
Understand that our emotional intellect could be totally different from our rational intellect.
What do I mean by that?
Well… You could be the smartest and most intelligent person but still find yourself in toxic or even dysfunctional relationships…
For some, this might even be repeated cycles. Getting into the same types of relationships just with different people.
When you are dealing with relationships of any kind you want to use emotional intelligence along with your rational intellect.
Having a logical or rational mind when dealing with people in social situations is not enough.
I know very successful people who excel in their careers, even people who are extremely popular and well-liked but have many romantic relationship woes.
So, what is it about relationships that plague many?
Good question!
It’s called Emotions…
Sometimes our emotions seem to have a mind of their own…
There’s no point in trying to control them.
For example, view emotions like a 2-year-old toddler.
You have to let them throw a tantrum to outlet the intensity and then simply persuade them into a new mindset with a new situation…
Let’s take a closer look at what I mean.
Does anyone truly understand a mind of a 2-year-old toddler?
Not really…
Just like our emotions we can study them, read all the self-help books, and listen to all the relationship gurus out there but still, we are perplexed by our own emotions.
Emotions are like gifts that keep on giving.
When our emotions plague us it gives us an opportunity for introspection into the deepest parts of ourselves.
You have to understand that all of us are like puzzles. It takes time to understand and solve.
Most of the time the more complex the puzzle the more rewarding it is when you finally solve it.
So back to the topic of emotions…
You want to get to know and understand your emotions and treat that part of yourselves like a small child.
One that you can’t just control or tell it what to do.
The best strategy is the let the waves of emotions flow freely…
Then you simply pursued it to move into a more stable situation of your liking.
When we feel the emotional tidal wave coming in find a place or a safe space to be in.
Even when you are out go sit in your locked car for a few minutes.
What are you feeling?
Anger? Fear? Shame? Guilt? Sadness? Regret?
Why do you think you are feeling this way?
What is the cause of this emotion?
Truly ask yourself if the source of these emotions cause by the other person or something within you.
Then when you find the answers, you seek to ask yourself if this situation is worth your mental and emotional distress.
And why?
Instead of letting the situation or person win what else could you be doing right now that can help improve your current situation or bring you closer to your goals?
You see in life true happiness and contentment come from the things we do or achieve for ourselves.
Many people who don’t live with intention or purpose use relationships and situations as distractions to their boredom and pain.
Except it starts to get more intense when you find yourself in situations that bring on more boredom and pain…
Every single person in this world is special and unique you were born with special and unique gifts and talents…
So, do you not think that there is no purpose for you in this life?
I don’t know what you have experienced or what they told you, but I’m here to tell you that you all are unique, you all have a very personalized and individualistic purpose here.
You then ask me what it is…
Well.. that’s for you to find out my loves.
Spend your energy and time doing the things you like and love and within that space, you will learn to know who you are and what you are meant to do here.
If you are still confused.
Try everything! What do you lose in trying everything and anything new and exciting?
Another word of advice my loves…
Use people and relationships as experiences to understand the world and yourself.
Not as a reason to hide from the world and yourself…
Relationships are more like adventures than more so it being of a final destination.
Many of you my loves, believe that having a relationship or love is your identity.
It is not!
What Relationships are, is experiences. Not identities.
People come into your life to join in collaborations with you and your purpose.
They are not here to give you purpose or be your purpose.
Remember this…
I know a lot of you have been so broken down and beaten to the point where you don’t even know what to think or what is right or wrong.
Do not be confused any longer my loves…
Do you want happiness, you want fulfillment and contentment?
These things come from you and only you…
So get to work… and do yourself a favor…
Get rid of anything that steals your joy, peace, or happiness!
The friends, the family, the relationships, the jobs, the location you are in… anything or anyone!
Get rid of it to make room for the things that you really want and desire.
But don’t go looking for anything until you have tapped into your purpose…
When you know yourself and when you have tapped into your purpose, it will tell you everything else you will need along the way.
You see when we don’t go after our purpose in life we tend to look at people and relationships as our purpose.
We make partners and relationships the spotlight of our existence.
We invest so much time and energy that we lose ourselves during the process and when these people or situations end we are left by ourselves not only to pick up the pieces but now we have to go in search of lost selves.
Before you take any more leaps into the dark, from this point on move with thought and intention.
I believe in you!
