People-pleasing is one of the hardest codependency characteristics to break free from.
A person who finds themselves to be ”people pleaser” will find it challenging to say ”no” to other’s demands and expectations in fear of rejection or disapproval.
In a way they feel obligated to say ”yes”, to make the people in their life happy.
People-pleasing, results in the approval and acceptance of others. It makes us feel loved needed, and accepted.
Unfortunately, it’s a TRAP.
It only ”makes” you feel like your receiving something, when in fact your receiving nothing at all…
Those that people please, bend over backwards to do what makes others happy, even if that means sacrificing their own needs and happiness.
Chronic people-pleasing, due to the inability to say ”no” can lead to emotional exhaustion, loss of identity, unmet needs and strained relationships.
Most often they end up feeling hate and resentment not only towards others that demand too much of them of them, but towards themselves for not being able to stand up for what they really needed.
It’s healthy to want to be able to give, our society balances off of being able to give to one another. To be a source of happiness and light for others.
However, it can easily become unhealthy when we start to sacrifice our own happiness just for the approval and validation of others.
Stress, anxiety, and depression become a part of us, when we live, only to please others…
Understanding People-Pleasing
People-pleasing tendencies tend to steam from childhood. Maybe you always had to walk around eggshells with strict, difficult, or toxic parents.
Your childhood environment might not have been safe enough for you to get your emotional needs met or to even feel safe enough to be yourself.
Did you cope with a difficult childhood where you always had to say yes to not get rejected or punished?
Where you put in the role of being ”the caretaker” in your family?
The experiences that shaped you in childhood are carried into your adult life.
And the reason why it’s so hard to break free from these habits is because you have identify with them from so long.
Although, people-pleasing is a form of coping it also bring us pain at the same time.
The built-up tension of resentment and anger is like a volcano waiting to erupt.
There has even been instances where people-pleasers overextend themselves so much that they end up dissociating because they have been so burned, that they become numb to others and to themselves.
Understand that being able to say no from time to time does not make you a selfish person, nor a bad person. It is the act of practicing of self-care and self-love which IS require to maintain personal peace and wellbeing.
I know that change can be hard, especially if you did not grow up in a loving and supportive environment to help you foster self-love and self-care.
However, it’s what we are willing to put up with that dictates how we are treated.
What we allow will persist. We teach others how to treat us…
First, We Set Boundaries
Learning to set boundaries is the key to having inner peace and happiness.
Let go of the fears of being alone when you start saying no to people.
You see people who like to take advantage of us, often hate when they can no longer do so.
Don’t ask why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself why are you allowing it to happen. – Robert Tew
Not everyone will be upset with your for setting healthy boundaries (you might even gain the utmost respect of some).
The friends that you might lose, have just proven their loyalty and friendship to you…
Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves in relationships and with others. They define what we are comfortable with emotionally, physically, and socially.
It is where you draw the line to say no, I will not accept that kind of treatment or behavior from you or yes, your actions and behaviors are acceptable to me.
Healthy boundaries let others know how we wish to be treated.
Empowering Strategies to Overcome People-Pleasing
- Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your mind and body. Whether it’s reading, exercising, or spending time with loved ones, self-care is vital.
- Challenge Negative Beliefs: Recognize thoughts that suggest you must please others to be worthy or loved. Replace negative beliefs with positive affirmations that reinforce your self-worth.
- Practice Assertiveness: Express your feelings and needs using statements like “I feel” or “I need”. Say ”No” without having to over explain yourself as to why and stick to your decision.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build relationships with those who respect your boundaries and encourage your authentic self. Positive influences can reinforce your journey toward self-acceptance.
- Build Self-Confidence: Focus on your strengths and achievements to boost your self-esteem and reduce the need for external validation.
- Seek Professional Help: If people-pleasing patterns are deeply ingrained, consider talking to a therapist or coach. They can provide valuable tools and insights tailored to your situation.
Conclusion
Breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey that requires patience, self-reflection, and practice.
By prioritizing your needs and embracing your authentic self, you open the door to more fulfilling relationships and a more satisfying life.
It’s not going to be an easy journey, but it’s going to be worth it!
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and happiness. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and empowerment without feeling guilt and shame.
YOU are worthy of love and respect just as you are. Embrace your uniqueness and let your true self shine!
