Last Updated on 09/26/2024
As we approach the end of 2022 and prepare to welcome 2023, the dating arena feels more like a battlefield than a place for pleasant dinner dates filled with friendly conversation and a few drinks.
For those seasoned veterans in the dating scene, I know you’ve faced your fair share of trials and tribulations—and you might even have a few battle scars to prove it.
The real challenges often arise for those who have recently ended a long-term relationship or marriage. Some have been out of the dating game for 7 to 10 years.
Yikes! A lot can change in that time.
After a grieving period, people often crave a fresh start in both life and love. They jump back into the dating scene, only to feel battered, bruised, and even more confused by the new experiences they encounter.
Whether you’re a veteran or a newcomer to the complex world of dating, I have tips and tricks to help you navigate it successfully.
These insights will set you up for better experiences and better dates, guiding you more quickly toward the fulfilling relationship you’ve always sought.
Here’s what you want to know…
Know What You Want
It is essential to have a clear goal in mind regarding what you want or expect from dating, along with being honest with yourself and your dates. Having standards is valuable; it helps us filter out what we don’t want, making room for what we are truly seeking.
To find balance in this process, our expectations should align closely with those we have for ourselves. It’s important to remember that everyone is human, just like us. If we maintain high standards, we should also recognize that others may hold us to similarly high expectations.
For instance, if you desire a good-looking partner who is financially secure, mentally stable, and possesses material wealth, you must understand that such a person is likely seeking the same qualities in a partner.
If you aspire to attract a high-value individual who can contribute significantly to a relationship, it’s time to reflect on areas in your own life where you can improve.
The more you work on yourself, the greater your options will be, granting you the power to choose…
We don’t attract what we want we attract who we are…
What Is The End Goal In Dating ?
Some believe that dating should solely serve as a means to find a life partner, while others view it as a lighthearted way to socialize and enjoy companionship. Honesty is key here; the sooner we are honest with ourselves, the quicker we can be honest with others.
Standards vs. Expectations
When our expectations of others are too high, we often set ourselves up for disappointment when those expectations aren’t met. As adults, we tend to expect that others should know how to behave appropriately, discern right from wrong, and exercise common sense in various situations.
However, I must emphasize that this belief can be misleading. Many adults, even those aware of the adage “treat others how you wish to be treated,” still have the capacity to hurt or break your heart. Many carry unhealed wounds and may act in ways that please themselves, often at the expense of others.
This is why it’s crucial to have clear standards. Standards serve as benchmarks to determine if someone aligns with what we desire. They provide a green light for what will bring us happiness and a red light for what may lead to dissatisfaction.
Expectations, on the other hand, involve wanting or anticipating that something will occur. Too often, we impose our standards on people who are incapable of delivering the outcomes we desire. We may give them the benefit of the doubt or extend too many chances, hoping they will become who we believe them to be.
Dating Requires Us To Be Smart, Patient, And Determined
To all my optimistic warriors out there, well done on seeing the silver lining in everything! You have a remarkable ability to find the good in not-so-good people, situations, and things.
However, in the dating arena, it’s important to take a more realistic approach. I don’t suggest using mind games or dark psychology to get what you want, but you do need to be strategic when dating.
Just because you prefer to avoid manipulation doesn’t mean others will do the same to you. You’ll need patience, as finding your ideal partner often requires more than just a few dates. There may be times when it feels like you’re striking out repeatedly, and you might be tempted to give up.
That’s where your strong will comes into play. Even if you’ve been on 100 unsuccessful dates, it doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for you. The more specific your standards, the more unique your partner will be. Just remember: you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!
When Texting Is Not Enough
Engage in as many face-to-face interactions as you can when getting to know someone.
With technology at our fingertips, we have access to countless opportunities to connect. We can meet people from different states and even countries, using video calls, emails, and texts at our convenience.
While this is all fantastic, it’s important to return to the basics—back to old-school methods. If you truly want to get to know someone, meeting in person is essential.
Sitting face-to-face creates a different atmosphere. It allows you to pick up on subtle cues and body language more easily. While charm and personality can sometimes be feigned, body language and small gestures are much harder to fake over time.
You also want to observe how your date interacts in social settings—whether around friends, family, or service workers. These interactions reveal much about a person’s character, far beyond just their spoken words.
Ask The Right Questions To Get The Right Answers
When meeting face-to-face, it’s your opportunity to ask all the right questions.
While knowing their favorite color, movie, or food is nice, but it holds less significance to exploring their beliefs, values, and attitudes toward life, relationships, and money. Delving into these deeper topics can provide valuable insights into compatibility and help you determine whether you share a similar outlook on what truly matters.
There are no right or wrong answers here; we’re not judging them based on their responses. Instead, we should approach these conversations with curiosity and openness. This creates a safe space for genuine dialogue, allowing both of you to express your thoughts freely.
What truly matters is whether their values and beliefs align with yours. Shared values can serve as a strong foundation for any relationship, providing a sense of understanding and connection that superficial topics simply cannot offer.
So, as you engage in conversation, don’t hesitate to dive deeper. Ask about their aspirations, how they view challenges, or what principles guide their decisions. These insights will help you gauge compatibility and lay the groundwork for a meaningful connection.
Rejection is not a reflection of your worth
If you’ve been ghosted or outright rejected, you know the pain of rejection all too well. While being rejected by someone we like can feel painful, we shouldn’t let it wound us too deeply.
Often, we see rejection as proof that we aren’t worthy—that we aren’t enough. But in reality, it might just mean the other person feels we’re not a good match for them, just like how we might say no to someone we don’t think is compatible.
But, instead of viewing rejection from this perspective, we tend to take it personally. We obsess over it, dissecting every detail and clue, trying to understand why we fell short in their eyes.
However, the reasons for their decision can be varied and may have nothing to do with our personality, appearance, or actions. It’s important to remember that rejection doesn’t define our worth; it’s simply part of the journey in finding the right connection.
You can be everything right but to the wrong person you’re still all wrong
Dating Is Not For The Weak
It’s not that we lack intelligence or incapable when it comes to dating; it’s simply that people and emotions can be unpredictable. No matter how hard we try to control a situation, we can’t manage every outcome.
As you navigate the dating world, date with clear standards while letting go of rigid expectations for others. Understand who you are and what you truly want from a relationship. This self-awareness is key to attracting the right people into your life.
Take your time to genuinely get to know someone before investing all your hopes in them. Building a connection is a gradual process, and rushing in can lead to disappointment.
Most importantly, remember to have fun! Embrace the opportunity to meet new people and explore different connections. Each encounter is a chance to learn something new about yourself and others, and even if it doesn’t lead to a romantic relationship, it can still enrich your life in unexpected ways. Enjoy the journey, and let your heart remain open to the possibilities.
