We are at the end of 2022 ready to start 2023 and the dating arena looks more like a battlefield than simply having just some nice dinner dates with friendly conversation and a few drinks.
For those who are experienced veterans in the dating scene, I know you have had your fair share of trials and tribulations.
And may even have a few battle scars to prove it.
The real challenges that I see in the dating scene are those who have previously ended in a long-term relationship and or marriage.
Some have even been out of the dating scene for at least 7-10 years.
Yikes! In that time frame, a lot had changed.
After the grieving period, people want a fresh start in life and love.
And so they jump out into the dating scene only to be left battered, bruised and even more confused by the new experiences they encounter.
Whether a veteran or a newbie to the complex dating world.
I have tips and tricks that will help set you up to find better experiences and better dates.
Pushing you quicker to acquire the fulfilling relationship that you have always been looking for.
Here are the rules in dating that everyone should be following:
It’s important to know what you want.
It is essential that you have a goal in mind of what you want or expect out of dating.
As well as being honest with yourself and your dates.
Having standards are great. It helps us weed out what we don’t want to make way to attract what we are looking for.
To find balance in this situation, the expectations of others should meet close to the expectations we have of ourselves.
We must be realistic in knowing that everyone is human just like us.
If we have high standards, others will probably have the same right to hold us to a similarly high standard as well…
For example, if we want a good-looking partner, who is financially secure, mentally stable, and has material wealth then we should expect a person like this is looking for the same things in a partner as well.
If you want a high-value person that can bring a lot to the table, then it’s time to start looking for areas in your own life that you can improve on.
Like tends to attract Like
The more you can bring to the table to more options you will have and the power to choose.
What are you looking to get out of dating?
Some believe that dating should only solely be used as a means to find a life partner.
In contrast, others find that dating should be light and fun as a means of socializing or light companionship.
Honesty is the key here. The quicker we are honest with ourselves the quicker we can be honest with others.
Standards vs Expectations
When we have too high of an expectation of others it is when we will become the most hurt and disappointed when people don’t meet those expectations.
As adults we expect other adults to know how to behave with others.
To know the difference between doing right and wrong.
And lastly even having common sense in all situations.
I will be the first to say that you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Sadly, and even if they know the adage about ‘’treating others how you wish to be treated’’ that doesn’t stop them from hurting you are breaking your heart.
Many adults are walking around with unhealed parts of themselves and so they act and behave in ways that please them even if it hurts other people.
Therefore, this is the way it is important for you that have standards.
Standards are models used to indicate if something matches what we desire. It will give you a green light on what will bring you happiness or a red light on what can potentially make you dissatisfied.
Expectations are when you are wanting or waiting on something you believe would happen to happen.
Many times, we enforce our standards on people who aren’t able to deliver us the outcome that we desire.
We give them the benefit of the doubt or one too many chances to prove to us that they are who we believe them to be.
Dating is an arena that needs you to be strategic, patient, and strong-willed.
To all of my optimist warriors out there, good job on seeing the greater side of all things. You have an uncanny ability to see the good in not-so-good people, situations, and things.
In the dating arena, you will need to have more of a realistic approach.
I don’t recommend using mind games or dark psychology to get what you want but you must be strategic when it comes to dating.
Just because you don’t like to play mind games or manipulation, that doesn’t mean others won’t try to do it to you.
You will need patience in knowing that sometimes your dream person will take a lot more than just a couple of dates.
You might even keep striking out one after the other where you will want to give up from time to time.
That is where the strong will comes in. Even though you went on 100 failed dates that don’t mean there is no one for you.
The more specific your standards are the more one-of-a-kind your person will be. This means you probably have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that prince.
Have as many face-to-face interactions as possible
With technology, we have the convince of so many opportunities right in the palm of our hands.
We can meet people in different states and even countries.
We can do video calls, emails, and texting at our convince.
While this is all great. You have to bring it back to the old school.
Back to the basics.
If you want to get to know anyone, it is best to do it in person.
Meeting in person where you sit face to face with them has a different feel.
You put yourself in a position where you can see subtle cues and body language easier.
Charm, personality, and even words can be fake.
Body language, slight gestures, and subtle cues are hard to fake especially for long periods.
You also want to see how a date would act and behave in a social setting, around their friends or yours, and especially around service workers.
All these things make up a person’s character, not just the words they speak.
Ask the right questions
This brings me to another point. While you have them in your presence learn to ask the right questions.
Knowing their favorite color, movie, or foods they like to eat is not as important as learning about their beliefs, values, and attitudes about life, relationships, and money.
There are no right or wrong answers from them, as in we are not judging someone by their responses to us.
The most important thing is if their values and beliefs match up with yours.
Rejection is not personal
If you have been ghosted or someone straight out told you that they didn’t like you then you understand the pain of their rejection.
Although getting rejected by someone we like hurts we shouldn’t let it wound us so deeply.
We often take rejection meaning that we are not good enough.
That who we are is not enough.
It simply may be that the other person feels we are not a good match for them.
Just as if you were to decline someone that you didn’t feel was a match for you.
Instead, we take rejection on such a personal deep level.
We obsess over the rejection and try to dissect and analyze every little detail and clue about the situation.
Trying to figure out why we are not good enough for them.
While on the other hand, it could be anything that has made them want to end the relationship.
It does not always mean that it was about your personality, looks, or that you did something wrong.
You can be everything right but to the wrong person you’re still all wrong
Dating is not for the faint of heart
And it’s not that we are not smart enough or inexperienced to play the dating game.
It’s just that people and emotions are unpredictable.
No matter how much you try to control a situation. You can’t control everything.
Date with standard but without expectation of another.
Know who you are and what you want.
Take your time to get to know someone before putting all of your eggs in one basket.
Last of all have fun meeting and getting to know new people.