When we fall in love with potential we are saying that we love someone for who they could be and not for who they are right now.
For a healthy relationship, partners should not be viewed as projects for building our perfect ‘’future’’ partner but should instead be accepted as who they are currently.
If you have ever dated and thought to yourself, they are everything I’ve been looking for but… or except for this one situation… this one flaw… this one whatever it is than you had settled for less than what you originally wanted in a partner and in a relationship.
Sometimes for both you and your partner’s mental wellbeing it is best to love from a distance. Just because you feel there’s love does not mean the relationship is a healthy or happy one…
Anna Rose
For my singles…
If you have had long dry spells in between relationships than you might feel that finding your dream person is impossible.
We start to lose hope and loneness sets if we feel that time is taking too long to bring us that dream partner.
Even doubts and anxiety sets in when we see all of our friends and family in relationships and everywhere you turn on social media you see posts of happy couples.
When time is not on your side feeling anxious can be normal. Try not to loose sight of the kind of relationship you wish to really be in.
Having what you truly desire is always better than settling for immediate gratification.
For example, If you are extremely hungry and I had a full plate of your favorite foods would you choose to eat only a small portion now or take the second option and wait to be able to enjoy the whole plate of food?
But they will change if I try hard enough…
Compromising a ridge high standard is not always a bad thing.
But hear me out…
Everything has a price.
Can you live with the fact that they might not ever turn into that perfect dream partner that you have been waiting for?
I have seen countless people fall in love with the idea of ”the perfect partner” more than the person they are actually dating.
Many people settle and marry their current partners in hopes one day if they wait it out long enough that their partners will finally change into the person of their dreams.
They constantly have this inner dialogue of ‘’They’ll change once this or that happens….’’
“They’ll change once we get married…”
No Change comes. Then it goes to, ‘’they’ll change once we have kids’’.
Still no change yet…
”I am fed up! I will just have to force them. They’ll change if I threaten to leave…’’
Can you guess what ends up happening? A messy separation or divorce.
Waiting for our partners to change in hopes one day they can fit the role of Mr./Ms. Perfect is a dangerous game to play.
You can end up wasting a lot of time, energy and money in a dead-end relationship that was never your ideal circumstance to begin with.
Never mind if there are children involved now you have to be responsible for a complicated situation, one where you will have to deal with for a long time to come.
Change you imagine the negative effects on the children?
What does falling in love with the idea of potential look like?
For starters, it’s not a good look.
When we are not totally at peace with our partners or the relationship this can turn our relationship into a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
When things are good, they can be nice but when things are bad, they get ugly quick!
Past feelings of resentment and tension always float to the surface when relationships cycle into anger and hate.
Constantly blaming each other for why the relationship is the way it is.
This push and pull, a constant battle on a roller coaster ride can go on for years and years.
Especially, if two partners are committed to the relationship, but not each other.
Co-dependency happens when you love being in the relationship more than your partner.
The longer you have been in a relationship the harder it is to leave, even if you don’t love your partner for who they are.
Why is it so hard to not fall in love with the idea of potential?
Having hope and faith that a situation can improve is not a bad mindset to have.
But having unhealthy dedication to a bad relationship or a ”potential” dream can be dangerous and damaging.
Damaging not only for you and the relationship but for everyone involved.
No one likes to be loved and liked for what they could be.
There is nothing like the feeling of being loved for who you are in totality.
Not the you yesterday or the you tomorrow, but for who you are today.
Romanticizing a person or relationship is not hard if you never felt that love, warmth, and support before.
If we have had a poor childhood growing up or been around others that have never loved us properly then we hunger for a special love and happiness.
It becomes very easy to want to depend on others to finally feed you that feeling that you have been wanting and wishing for.
What can we do to avoid falling in the trap?
It is all about the mindset.
When you shift your perspective, you can delay immediate gratification and focus on the goal at hand.
Remember that the goal should not be about a person but more about the kind of relationship that you want.
It has never been about finding the perfect person but more so the happiness you will feel about when you are in the right relationship for you.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your future relationship is to do work on yourself.
So what does this mean?
Work on getting rid of past baggage.
Before anything is to happen, heal past wounds or hurts.
Then figure out what is it that you truly need. Sometimes what we want is not what we truly need…
Do you know what will make you happy?
If your childhood or past was not so kind to you then instead of doing work on ourselves, we fall into the trap of thinking that only someone else or something else can make us feel that we are worthy of love.
Having a ”victimhood” mindset will always attach you to other people or other things, and if they happen to leave your life you’re at a loss again.
Happiness comes from only within you and what you make of your lifestyle.
Once you realize this nothing can make your happiness crumble overnight.
But, what about the exception to the rule. My relationship is different…
Of course, at the end of the day, ONLY YOU will know what’s best for you and your relationship.
And yes! There is always an exception but are you willing to take the risk?
When you are waiting for someone to change into the man or woman of your dreams you are betting a lot on the table.
How will you know how long you will need to wait?
While in the waiting period what are you going to do? Just live off of crumbs?
That will only make you hunger more for what you truly want.
It is always good to know and understand what you are signing up for because only you will have to live with those consequences, both good or bad…
Improve your relationships by appreciating our partners now
I love my partner it’s just that sometimes I get frustrated because they are different from me. It is so frustrating if only they will listen to me and change then everything will be okay
Wanting our partners to turn some of their bad habits or behaviors into healthy ones has has merit as good intentions.
But how do they feel about what you have decided for them and the relationship?
Everyone wants nothing more than to be around others who loves them and accepts them for who they truly are.
Isn’t that also the case for us?
A healthier mentality is to look at your partner for the traits that you currently enjoy in them. If they change ‘’ on their own’’ accord then that’s great, but If they happen to stay the same can you still love them past this?
If there are some things, you cannot see yourself dealing with in the future with your partner then there might be some things you need to reevaluate in the relationship and where you stand with them.
Sometimes for both you and your partner’s mental wellbeing it is best to love from a distance.
Just because there is love does not mean the relationship is a healthy or happy one…
Healthy and happy relationships are made from healthy hearts and healthy minds…
Anna Rose
