It is hard to admit, but we have all felt jealousy one way or another.
It’s a normal human response especially if we have felt that life has been unfair to us in some way but great to someone else.
It’s a deep and overwhelming response that happens when we feel less than when comparing ourselves to another.
These feelings take us on a rollercoaster ride of anger, sadness, anxiety, rejection, and fear.
Intense feelings of jealousy can overtake us when we feel that good things or the things we want are falling into the hands of someone.
They become intensified if we dislike the other person or feel that they are not seemingly deserving.
We could even feel that have lost to another in some way, even if that person is unintentionally competing with us.
Comparison is the theft of joy
Theodore Roosevelt
Jealousy is interesting in the fact that even if we were to achieve something great at the moment and we see someone else achieving what seems to be the same or greater.
Our feelings of achievement and success can easily falter and be distracted by feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
What jealousy does
Just because jealousy is a normal human emotional response does not mean that it is healthy.
Jealousy can make any person live on the brink of madness.
Not only is it unhealthy for your emotional well-being but it encourages you to act and behave in ways not true to yourself.
Jealousy does not discriminate it can turn you against friends, family members, and loved ones.
Sometimes it’s an impulsive response that comes from within us, what’s important is how you handle feelings of jealousy after it comes up to the surface.
I believe that a person should be true to themselves. If you really don’t feel happy about another’s achievement that is fine, you don’t have to pretend.
Many times, people can tell if you are genuinely happy for them or not.
When you put on a mask it not only hurts others, but it hurts yourself emotionally. It hurts you because you went against your own authentic self.
I think it is appropriate to congratulate others if the social situation calls for it but by no means do you have to hold yourself against your own will and party with them all night.
Why jealousy is hard to admit
I know it is hard to admit to yourself that you can sometimes and maybe become jealous of others.
Many people are actually in denial at times when they are truly jealous because of two reasons.
One, it makes people feel that they cannot control their negative emotions. Jealousy is often seen as an unsavory character trait. One that is not advanced and emotionally developed, and two jealously is seen as an insecurity trait.
If we are jealous of another it is because we are inferior and have lost to them in some way.
Neither is accurate.
Although, jealousy is considered a negative emotion, that doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It is how you handle your jealously that determines your character.
Just because you might become jealous of what another has it does not accurately confirm that you cannot also achieve or have the same things.
We easily become stuck in this negative belief system that there can only be one winner. If there is one winner then everyone else is a loser.
Not True!
To overcome jealousy remind yourself that…
Remember that everyone is in fact different and unique. We all have different unique traits, skills, and abilities.
No one on this earth is 100% great at everything. According to nature’s laws, there will be things that people will excel at and other things that have to work harder to achieve.
The negative thinking patterns of a ”winner/loser complex” puts you in a position of self-sabotage.
The truth is that, if you want something bad enough you will work hard enough until you get it. Alot of times things seem effortlessly to others, but we never see what goes on behind that curtain.
It might have taken them years of trying, failures, and hard work to achieve what they have today.
You might not be able to control incoming waves of jealousy, but it is how you handle your jealousy…
Can you let the waves of jealousy past you and reason with yourself that it is in fact possible for you to have the same things…?
or
Does your jealousy overcome you and persuade you into hate, anger, and self-sabotaging behaviors?
How dangerous jealousy is
If you have ever heard of the famous singer, Selena Quintanilla?
Her fame and life came to a tragic end at the tender age of 23 due to a close friend and former employee, Yolanda Saldivar.
This unfortunate ending was believed to be influenced by jealousy and envy on the part of Yolanda.
Jealousy causes our emotions to become erratic, turning our thoughts and feelings into obsession, hate, and anger.
Once it turns into an obsession it quickly spreads within us like a wildfire that is unpredictable and impulsive.
We lose our reasoning and judgment. Nothing stops our tense feelings, but the negative outcome we wish to see upon the other we are jealous of.
Unfortunately, we could be stuck in the mental prison while the other person might not even be aware that we are feeling like this.
We intuitively know that these emotions can be embarrassing or awkward if someone was to know and so we keep them quietly within. Causing the guilt and shame to build within us.
Many people when have come back to their senses admit that they don’t know what took over them or why they acted out of character when engulfed with intense feelings of jealousy.
Indeed, when dealing with feelings of jealousy, if not handled properly can cause us to act and behave in ways that can harm others and harm ourselves.
Last few thoughts…
Jealousy is considered a normal reaction when dealing with situations that ‘’seem’’ unfair to us. They are mostly situations that are beyond our control.
Maybe you have run into a girl that ‘’seems’’ prettier or has more friends than you.
If you’re a guy, maybe he is popular with all the girls and has a nice car.
Ever go on social media and all these influencers ‘’seem’’ the have such a fabulous life? They travel, they have money, and are adored by many. With a combination of a great body and a beautiful face.
Just like celebrities, anyone else famous, and or popular, they are all human.
They have great abilities in the public eye, but they also have flaws just like anyone else. They also have things that they have to work hard to achieve.
If they were to show you all the things that they have to go through or to work hard for then it defeats the whole ‘’image’’ thing.
In times of jealousy, remind yourself that you are also capable of the same things and that just because they have it and you might not that doesn’t mean you are less than them.
In fact when you get feelings of jealousy turn it into a vehicle of opportunity to help you propel into actions and ideas of how you can get closer to what you desire.
