Our life story is marked by the experiences we connect with along our journey. Unfortunately, painful situations can happen to anyone, but not everyone is equipped with the right coping mechanism techniques to properly heal themselves and move on.
Hurt, pain, and trauma caused by deep emotional or physical distress can leave us feeling confused and defeated.
If you are one of the many that have trouble moving on from past pain here are the top 5 reasons why and what might help.
1. You have identified yourself with the pain
Many painful situations that happened to us are very personal to us, we have made it our story and, on many levels, have incorporated it be a part of who we are.
We can get stuck in a twilight zone where we replay the painful events over and over again in our minds.
Sometimes people hold on to the hurt and pain that happened to them 20 or more years ago, even when the situation has ended, and everyone else has moved on.
They are left behind with the baggage of pain and resentment.
Desperately looking for closure and justice even though it might never come.
Advice: Understand that the situation happened to you, but it is not who you are. We need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start taking responsibility for how we want our future to look from this moment forward.
If you hate that things happened to you as they did then stop giving the person or the situation anymore of your time or your energy.
2. We unwillingly let go because we are scared that we might get hurt again
We obsess and overanalyze the situation to understand what went wrong, was it us, was it them?
How do I not have to go through this again?
We start to create a fear-based reality, instead of looking towards joy and peace, we stay in a place of avoidant behaviors to not have to go through the pain again.
Advice: I cannot promise you that you might never get hurt again, but I can assure you that you do have some control.
You are in control of your thoughts, your actions, and your emotions.
If someone has wronged, you or treated you with disrespect then need to understand that situation and or the person is wrong for you. You do not have to put yourself in that position again.
3. We might feel that if we moved on, then we are letting them off the hook for what they did to us
This is hard to hear, but most of the time the people who hurt you did not even give a second thought to how you were affected after they hurt you.
Even though all circumstances are not fair, that does not mean you have to be left standing there with the baggage that it came along with.
You are letting go and moving on so you can make room for something else that will bring you happiness.
Advice: Letting go is a gift to yourself, not to the one who hurt you.
Once you have been out in a situation of pain and hurt the other party no longer deserves your time or energy. Not even for a single moment.
The focus should switch from them back onto you.
Ask yourself what you have learned about them and yourself after going through this and what is needed to be done so that you can next time have a better, more suited situation, worthy of your time and energy.
4. When toxicity becomes the norm
This might sound crazy, you are probably thinking to yourself, who in the world likes to suffer?
If all you have ever known is pain, then it becomes your kind of normal.
The slightest thought of anything different can be very scary and intimidating.
The fear of never experiencing happiness, or worst that it might present itself, but you are ending up losing it can leave you stuck in a pattern of negativity.
Advice: Understand that at this present moment you are doing the best you can with the only tools and resources you got. If you are dealing with a lot on your plate, then why add on to more of the burden?
Be in the moment. Focus and deal with the things that are holding you back now, take it day by day, and understand that it is a trigger
the fear that’s holding you back, not the pain itself.
Change is ever occurring in life, as your life evolves so should you?
At most times, the situation is not the real problem, go and search within yourself to see where and how it all started for you. The situation at hand could merely be just a trigger and not the source.
5. You might feel the situation has too much power over you
The trauma that happened to us can be so overpowering that it leaves us feeling numb, weak, and defeated.
We feel helpless in an attempt to forget and move on.
The situation has sucked the life out of you and you just do not have the willpower to make a stand against it anymore.
Understand that the past has no control over you in the present.
You have the power and control to choose to be happy.
You have the power to move on, knowing that this situation only made you stronger and wiser.
Advice: Remember what I said, once someone has decided to hurt you or disrespect you, they now have put themselves in a position unworthy of your love, time, and attention.
Yes, you have the power to cease any blessings that you have given them.
Leaving the situation behind might also be painful for you but know your worth.
Everyone is worthy of happiness, that also makes you as well.