What are the top red flags do you look for in dating? If you don’t have any then you need to start enforcing some.
‘’Red flags’’ are deal-breakers that help you screen prospects to see if they are right for you or not.
Before you even want to go into the dating world or be in a relationship you should already clearly know what the deal-breakers are.
There are no rules to this. You clearly define what is a red flag to you, and you stick by them no matter what.
It does not matter how good-looking they are or however great the reason is to you, if they show signs that they do not fit many of your standards then you can never find happiness in this relationship, period.
Remember that your happiness is your sole responsibility, not someone else’s.
The end goal is to find a meaningful relationship that will add value to each other.
Real relationships are never a one-way street. Walking away is hard but staying in an unfulfilled relationship with someone who does not love you is harder.
‘’Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up in the wrong destination’’
Here are some of the top 5 Red flags signs to look for in dating.
Red Flag #1: They have no problem belittling you or talking down to you
Respect is the name of the game here. It doesn’t matter if they disrespect you in public or private, a person who easily disrespects you can easily do many other awful things to you without a doubt.
Maybe they say they were just teasing you or were joking. If you tell a person that you do not like to be treated in that manner and they persist, it’s no longer a joke, is it?
Red Flag #2: Their words do not match up with their actions
They say they are interested in you but never reply to your texts or you always have to be the one to test them. They seem constantly hot and cold. You are left confused as to if they are serious or not. We call this breadcrumbing, they only give you just enough to keep you, but never offer you the whole package.
Red Flag #3: They bring up topics that make you feel uncomfortable
When you talk with them, they always tried to make sexual advances in person or through text. They bring up sex constantly or request nude photos of you regularly.
You don’t have to wait things out to see how it will go, we already know what they are interested in.
Red Flag #4: You have nothing in common
If they tell you they hate kids while you want 5, there is a disconnect there.
There is a difference between them telling you that they like vanilla flavor ice cream while you like chocolate than when it comes to a topic that heavily weighs on your future happiness.
Dating is to help you find a person that you might like to eventually settle down with.
If their values and goals are different than yours then there is no foundation holding this relationship together.
Do not think that eventually, they might change his mind either, you are only playing with fire.
Red Flag #5: Aggressive behavior
This does not necessarily mean that they show this side to you right away especially if you just started dating.
Notice how they are in different environments, if they get easily triggered and quick to anger this is very dangerous. If they have no problem displaying violence, then they will certainly not have a problem doing that with you if you get in an argument with them.
Storytime: I once had a client tell me that the man she was talking to at the time, confided in her that he used to physically abuse his ex-wife, he promised he has changed his ways and that he would never do that to her.
Can you guess what difficulty she might run into in the future?
A couple of months later, as I touched base with her again, she says that he is showing signs of aggression and dominating behaviors towards her.
While dating it is not good to be overly paranoid thinking that every man you come in contact with will be a predator.
Instead take things slow, as slow as you feel comfortable, and get to know him. You do not have to freak out at every little thing you overanalyze.
See how they behave in different settings and with different people. Take notes and compare them to your clearly defined deal breakers. Your deal breakers might be slightly different than the examples I have above and that okay.
Once you have a set of deal breakers to guild you, know which ones give and take and which ones you will not tolerate in a relationship.