Parenting requires a lot more than just wanting to have children to start a family.
When you bring children into this world, understand that they will solely rely on you for survival.
Every moment from the time of birth to adulthood (maybe for some even into adulthood) they will need you to give to them financially, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Every life decision you make good or bad will affect their lives too.
To some, having children seems fun, cute, or something they should do because of society’s standards.
I’m here to tell you that real parenting is not as glamorous as it seems.
It is extremely challenging on many levels not to mention the financial aspect of it.
I know some are fortunate enough to have the assistance of nannies and other sources of help.
I am talking about the majority of people, everyday people who will get little to no help and or have to do it on their own.
There is also the fact that if you plan on having more than one child you will need to learn the skill of mental agility. Not all of your children will have the same personality.
They will have different needs, wants, and will require different love languages.
There is nothing in life that will teach you more about giving unconditional love and sacrifice like parenting.
That’s what parenting is all about, being a giver.
Parenting requires you to give your time, energy, attention, love, care and nurturing to a child that is still growing and maturing.
It’s a 24hrs/365days full-time job without pay and no health benefits kind of a deal.
Does it still sound like rainbows and sunshine?
Let’s put it this way, you could feel that you and your partner are ready to start a family.
You could even be financially stable with both incomes.
But if you are not ready to give, give, give. You are not ready.
When it comes to wanting to add children to the equation you have to be honest, like brutally honest with yourself and the situation.
Not all of the things we want in life are good for us or are thing things we currently need.
And no! parenting is not one of those things that you should jump headfirst into and eventually it will work itself out kind of a thing.
Brutally honest signs that you are not ready for parenting:
You have self-centered tendencies:
- You enjoy focusing on your career
- Social life is very important to you/ Party life
- Like the position of center of attention
- Get bored quickly to routine
- Dislike responsibilities because you feel like they tie you down
- You enjoy being reckless and impulsive
- Glued to your electric because of your addiction to social media.
- You need your ‘’you time’’ or you get irritated easily
You show signs of emotionally immature:
- Co-dependent/needing others to do things for you
- Believing you are the victim in many and most situations
- You don’t have many healthy relationships
- Drama/toxic situations excite you
- You avoid dealing with your problems/ or feel your problems will take care of themselves
- Lack of empathy/ compassion
- The inability to self-reflect
- You fight and argue with others every day.
- Need to have things your way
- Care more about your problems than other people
- You have a problem with emotional regulation
- No patience/ tolerance for others
You are still mentally immature:
- Living paycheck to paycheck/ can’t hold a job for long periods
- Impulsive behaviors/addictions
- You can’t settle in one place/ moving a lot in a short time frame
- Believe you never have made a mistake only others do
- Are a taker but not a giver
- You get angry easily or have temperament issues
- How others look at you is very important to you
- Poor listening skills
- You have control issues
If you have similar traits to the three areas above, you might want to rethink having a child before having made some adjustments to your lifestyle.
Children are very sensitive to their environment and to the people around them, especially when around their parents.
Even a little bit of stress can trigger fright or terror that can cause damage to their psychological development and well-being.
Not only is parenting a task that requires both parents to be mentally, psychologically, and financially ready but children also need to be raised in a stable and safe environment.
It definitely will feel like a balancing act.
With parenting you don’t need to know everything, you just need to get the basics first.
It’s a learning process where you keep learning and growing as you go.
So, you have read everything, all of those bullet points don’t apply to you.
You and your partner are so ready to start a family. You can’t wait!
I understand children are a blessing and having them is an incredible experience.
If you are already expecting or are in the process of trying, here are should thoughts to share and discuss with your partner before your little one comes into this world.
What to think about in the world of parenting
Shared responsibilities: Newborns as well as any young children require a lot of care and attention.
How will you split your shared responsibility?
Who does what, who is taking care of what and how will things get done?
How your children will be raised. Every parent will want to raise their children based on their own childhood experiences.
The ideas you have about raising, teaching, and disciplining your children might differ from your partner.
You need to discuss this and come to an agreement.
The child can easily become confused if both parenting styles are in conflict with one another.
Outside influence. This is a sensitive topic for most.
What boundaries will need to be set with your child and other family members?
Sometimes people don’t get along with their partner’s family and want the children to have little exposure to that side.
Bring up what problems might occur in the future with other family members. Agree on different types of solutions and boundaries.