I believe that many horrible things can happen in life, but the worst one of all is being cheated on in a relationship. You think you know someone well until they proved to you that you really didn’t know them at all.
If you have ever been in a situation where you have been cheated on in a relationship, then you know how much it hurts. Everything hurts your mind, your body, and your soul.
After the initial shock, we begin to ride this roller coaster ride of emotions that is hard to come off of.
You start to questions everything, you playback the whole relationship in your mind and start to wonder if they were always like this if they ever loved you, and why they cheated.
Confusion sets in, start to wonder if maybe it was you. If there is something wrong with you?
The only thing you are sure of is the pain you feel that reaches to your inner core.
That is the hard thing about betrayal. You can have all of your friends support you and love you, but at the end of the day, you have to face this alone.
Nobody can help you take the pain away, and nobody can help you fix your broken heart.
What is does being cheated on mean?
This depends on each person. You have to let it be known firsthand in the relationship what you find acceptable and what is not.
You can’t go through life assuming that people know and understand what you want if you don’t tell them. In many cases, it is always the safe route to disclose boundaries firsthand anyways.
Some might consider it cheating if their partner gives time and attention to the opposite sex while others only consider it cheating if physical intimacy is involved.
Since cheating results in feelings of betrayal. I believe cheating first comes in the form of deception and dishonesty. Second, cheating can be in the form of emotional intimacy or physical intimacy. That’s right, there are such things as having an emotional affair.
Third, boundaries within the relationship have been violated.
What can be considered cheating?
- There has been deception and or dishonesty.
- Is in the form of emotional intimacy (connecting where it involves feelings, emotions, and vulnerabilities) or physical intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sex)
- Boundaries have been violated or crossed within the relationship.
So, you think they might be cheating?
Confirm, confirm, confirm! Do not assume that your is partner cheating just because someone told you they saw them or even if you have a hunch.
Before you bring up such a serious matter you must make sure to confirm with proof in hand.
During this time when you try to gather the details and facts about what is going on you must try to keep levelheaded. Your emotions will only further blur your judgments.
What should I do if I know they are cheating, but I just can’t get any proof?
When it comes down to your mental wellbeing and happiness at stake you need to ground yourself then decide what is it that will make you happy. If you can’t get concrete proof and you have a deep-down feeling that they are cheating it will be their word against your gut feelings.
If you stay you will be paranoid and have your guard up every moment afterward. Do you want to continue with a relationship like this?
Remember, in a relationship, love can only thrive in an environment of mutual love, trust and respect.
You have confirmed that it is real, they cheated. Now what?
Before you go and attack them with confrontation you need to sit a minute and think.
Go somewhere quiet and safe to think by yourself. I know you might want to run to a close friend or a support system, but at this initial stage, it is best to gather your thoughts without interference. Afterward, with a clearer sense of direction, you can seek your support group for more support and advice.
What you can think over during this time:
- What does this situation mean for both of you?
- What should you say to them?
- What do you want to happen next in the relationship?
- What should happen if they continue to lie and deny even after you presented the proof?
They begged for me not to leave, should I stay?
By this point, words should have already been said. If you are wondering if you should still stay with them after everything has been said and done then I would like for you to consider a few things.
What to consider:
- If you know you are not going to be happy then it’s never worth it! Go.
- If you forgive them and stay, you have to start with a fresh start. You can’t hold this over them until the end of time, it’s just not fair to both of you.
- Healing in the relationship will take time, after all, love, trust, and respect have to be rebuilt all over again.
- Your friends and family should respect your wishes to leave or stay. This is your choice alone in the matter.
- Having said that this is a decision that is yours alone to make, understand that any results of this decision are also yours alone to bear. Take some time to make your decision before you commit yourself.
Forgiveness is the closure of that gift to yourself.
No matter what happens we all have enough inner strength to get through it all.
Forgiveness is a gift you to yourself after all you have been through. It’s the willingness to let go of the hurt, pain, and of bitterness that came with the situation.
You might have been wronged but you don’t have to keep going on as a victim. You have a right to move on with life and to be happy in life.
When we live in hate and bitterness we are only holding ourselves back, not anyone else.
Before I end this article, I want you to know that life has a way of bringing to us experiences that we never expect.
Some are good and some hurt like hellfire, but I don’t want you to ever think for a second that you are not worthy of receiving love and happiness in life.
Life only finds you deserving if you believe you are deserving, which means through the good and the bad you are the one that defines who you are and what you expect from life.
In the face of life, you need to be strong and courageous, because it is not made for the weak.
Even evolution has proved since the begging of time that only the strong survived.
You being here on this earth has proved that you have come from ancestors that were strong-bodied and mind or else your bloodline would be extinct.
You have all the strength you need within you to live the life you have always wanted and dreamed of. One where there is happiness and love.
A love that is deserving of you and you of it.
If you have been hurt in love I want you to know that many people have been in your very shoes. Because they have chosen to love themselves through the pain and the heartache they have healed, moved on with life and many have found true love. A love which they thought they could never find and they did.
I know when your heart hurts you want to give up on love, on life, and even yourself. It’s all too easy to give up and to give in. But if you do, if you decide to give up you’ll never allow yourself to see what else life has to offer.
The sun after the rain is much more beautiful than the sun before the rain.
Bill Watterson
Life is easy when you are in control to decide for yourself, but it is also tricky because you alone will have to deal with the consequences good or bad.
You can never make the wrong choice by choosing to love and to heal yourself.
Everything else after that is in your own hands.
