Why do people cheat on those they love?

partners that cheat

Let’s first be clear that when it come down to why people cheat, it is not always about SEX.

Yes! having an affair outside of your committed relationship can involve sex but many times it is not the primary reason.

When people cheat on their partner it is hard to understand the motives and underlying emotions and feelings connected with the act.

Sometimes we could do everything possibly right and still get cheated on…

It’s not really about what we do right or wrong, sometimes it’s not even about your love for them or their love for you.

When a person can step outside of their committed relationship to seek happiness, joy, or pleasure from another source, the problem always has to do with the ‘’cheater’’. Period.

Let me repeat that…

The TRUTH is, it has everything to do with them and not us.

The problem was that there was some kind of a void, an emptiness that needed desperately to be filled. 

I gave them everything and they still cheat!

‘’WHY?!’’ is always the question.

People who have been cheated on want to know why?

‘’How could they? Is it because they have fallen in love with someone else? Was I not enough?’’

Even though we seek answers, sometimes the truth is not enough to ease the pain from it all.

As we all know love is a very complicated and complex subject. Everyone wants to pin Love into one or two sentences of what love is or what it even means.

Unfortunately, we can’t. There is no quick and easy answer.

Even if you try to look for a definite definition of love you wouldn’t be able to find it.

Believe it or not, many people who have admitted to cheating or have been caught cheating say that they very much so love their partners even though they cheated.

The real reason behind it all

Can we all agree that to find any solution to a problem, first you have to know and understand the problem?

‘’So, what is the problem then?! I gave them everything I could possibly give, I jumped through hoops to try to keep them and our relationship happy!’’

The underlying reason for those cheating will greatly depend on each person. But the main reason, simply put is because there was something deep inside of them that was empty.

As stated previously, there was an internal void of some kind. Perhaps caused by a past negative experience, it doesn’t necessarily have to be of the traumatic kind but nonetheless one that had implications.

What might have started out as the size of a grain of sand or salt, like any fatal disease if left unattended over time it grows and metastasizes.

Any and very negative experience thereafter can undoubtedly contribute to growth and severity.

In addition, when cheaters were asked why they cheated on their partner some answered ‘’I don’t know…’’ and honestly some really don’t know why they did it.

The thing about ‘’deep-seated emotions’’ is that they can be utterly hard to detect.

Sometimes you can feel that something is off but are not too sure exactly what is wrong.

That is a good predictor of something being deep-seated or hidden that needs to be addressed.

Who is prone to cheat in relationships?

For the most part, there is no set standard. There is no set age range or gender that is susceptible to cheat or be cheated on.

One person might only have cheated once in their whole life and have that be the last time, while another might be prone to chronically having affairs, and then some have never cheated in any relationship in their whole life.

I speak for some when I say that there are circumstances that could even cause some to cheat who has a history of being faithful and committed.

Cheating on your partner behind their back never has a good reason to excuse such behavior.

Remember that we are merely skimming the surface to gain insight and wisdom into such a complex topic. This article is not to place judgment or blame on the wrongdoer or otherwise.

Common myths about cheating

Myth #1

It is only considered cheating if you have sex with another person other than your committed partner.

There are different venues for cheating on a partner. Besides sex, the second most common motives for cheating on a partner is emotional intimacy.

Cheating is a subject that should be discussed before engaging in commitment with another person. To one person may be an indulgence of pornography or hanging out with a person of the opposite sex is not considered cheating but to their exclusive partner, it could all be considered cheating.

Grounds of what is cheating and what is not cheating should be discussed privately between those involved in that relationship.

Myth #2

Only young people cheat on each other, older people are more mature in relationships.

Studies show that mid-age or the around the time when parents become empty nesters are when people are seeking affairs outside of their marriage. The truth is the age of a person does not matter.

Studies show that the men starting around age 50 and up were more likely to be unfaithful in their marriage, furthermore, men ages 70-79 had the highest percentage of any other age group that admitted to having sexual affairs outside of their marriage.   

Myth #3

Partners cheat because they wanted sex with someone younger and better-looking.

Prior to contrary belief, this is not always the case. 60% of women reported that their partners were more attractive than the person they had an affair with and an astonishing 89% admitted that they received more emotional value from the affair than at home with their significant other.

Even though they chose to cheat, should I take them back?

Partner cheat
Source: Cookie_Studio

Another common question that gets asked a lot is ‘’should I just take them back after they cheated on me?’’.

This choice and this right is only reserved for you and you alone.

I know people always say once a cheater always a cheater. That is the wrong viewpoint, also said by many many bitter folks that have been cheated on.

Some were in a moment of weakness and made the wrong decision, while others make it a habit to cheat.

Ultimately you want the answer lies in knowing who you are and who your partner is.

Don’t take them back unless you are ready and willing. No matter what anyone else says or reasons with you it is your own responsibility to decide because whatever happens after for good or bad you are the only one that will have to live with the choices you make.

In life, there are no guarantees. We know this because we see divorce rates increasing every day.

‘’So, if there is a chance that they will leave me or hurt me, why love then?’’

Good question. Just because we have bad experiences from time to time does it mean we should just stop living? Absolutely not!

Life can be good or bad depending on your own thoughts and actions.

When life is uncertain, the best thing you can do is to find certainty within yourself.

Learn to know who you are and what you want. Have the courage to strive for happiness and the strength to leave behind anything and everything that is not for you.

Most of all before we give all of our love to another, first learn self-love.

Author: Anna Rose

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